Publisher?s Note: This Portland Family column, written by Rob Ingram, was first published in June of 2009. In the spirit of his recent passing, and because Rob?s children will be without him this Father?s Day, we thought we would share it again, to maybe bring a smile to their faces.
Fatherhood: a wonderfully painful awakening into yourself that includes most of the positives and all of the negatives that make you.
I was talking with someone just yesterday about how when we were children and teenagers, we looked at the foolish things we did and just brushed it off; chalked it up to growing up, and considered it fun. But now, as fathers (I will not attempt to speak for mothers, as their plight is much different than ours) we inevitably freak out at every mistake and questionable decision our children make. Why? Simply because their mistakes show us ours. My daughter once got all As on her report card, except in P.E. I immediately internalized that as my failure because (while this is somewhat stereotypical) dads are supposed to teach those skills, at least in my life. Not that my wife doesn?t play catch, or provide quality bike-riding lessons, but that is my realm.
Years later my son would suffer from his first broken heart, and again I blamed myself! I thought if I had just taught him how to find someone who would never hurt him, or showed him how to avoid any deep emotional connections, he would not have to experience this. Sure!
In both situations, I stepped back and reflected, and realized that it is all part of life. As a dad, I will have to watch my children deal with many of the same challenges, difficulties and painful experiences that I have had. For me, I embrace those affairs for what they are and what they?ve taught me. But, as a father, I struggle with allowing my children to stumble where I fell! I don?t want them to know boo-boos, although I often laugh at the scars scattered all over my physique. I am especially afraid of the emotional scars, even though each wound to the heart I?ve absorbed has prepared me for the reality of today, and I appreciate them passionately! Without them, I dare say I would be ill-equipped for the whole of reality in this world; its cruelties, injustices and dispositions.
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Category: 2012_June, Parenting
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